By: Jay Broderick - Health, whether mental, or physical, it's the one critical element we all need in this life to make sure we push on to many years of fulfilling pleasure. DEATH... the inevitable end to us all. When the lack of the former threatens the latter, we fight... or we flight. I suppose our choices are dependent on what stage we are at on our respective journeys, but the magnitude of the condition shall bear no weight.
As I have aged, various illnesses have popped up on their radar. Ultimately, all are concerning, but nothing a few meds can't control. Or at least, that's how I have played them all off to date. And then September 18, 2024 happened. After experiencing some vision deterioration over a number of months, and with the help of a neuro-ophthalmologist, I ended up getting myself a CT Scan. His thoughts were that something was pressing on my optic nerves. My symptoms seemed in line with a pituitary tumor, but he calmed me by telling me that the vast majority of these tumors are benign.
Quickly, the news from the CT Scan came... "May represent large pituitary macroadenoma, or glioma due to size and invasion." You see, this mass that was growing in my head was so large, that it was extending into my optic chiasm (causing the vision problems), sinus region and into the left temporal lobe. Hearing that word "glioma", and seeing it written on the CT Scan report instantly tore a spike through my heart.
Unfortunately, I am no stranger to brain cancer. In the summer of 2003, my step-father was diagnosed with a brain tumor. We later found out that this was a secondary site, and that the cancer had originated in the lungs. In April of 2004, he lost his battle. With this close connection, and those dreaded words from my CT Scan, fear set in. And my mind spiraled down a deep dark hole. Along with my physical health concern, I was now going down the rabbit hole into a mental health crisis, with stress, anxiety, and worry. Something I never recall having dealt with in my life. I am no stranger to this form of illness, as mental health is a big story in my family. It's why I was so proud for LoudTO to have supported One Beat, the mental health awareness charity concert on November 23.
As my spiral into darkness continues to unravel, names start flooding into my head. One of the most famous cases in Canadian music lore is easily Gord Downie of The Tragically Hip. In May of 2016, The Hip frontman announced that he had been diagnosed with an incurable form of brain cancer called glioblastoma. This is one of a few types of glioma (a tumor that forms in the brain or spinal column). It's the same dreaded word I found myself constantly thinking about, after having seen the sequenced letters on my CT scan report. Sadly, after first having been diagnosed in December 2015, Downie passed away on October 17, 2017 at the age of 53. Strangely (or?), it's the same age as I am now.
Another notable musician who succumbed to this disease was one of the most influential figures in metal, and the godfather of death metal himself, Chuck Schuldiner. This time, the specific form was "pontine glioma"... again, that word! Schuldiner was diagnosed on May 13, 1999. It was the DEATH frontman's 32nd birthday. Happy Birthday... NOT! The singer immediately underwent radiation therapy, and ultimately underwent surgery to remove the tumor in January 2000. Surgery seemed to be a success, and the musician got back to writing music again, but sadly, the cancer returned in 2001, and Chuck lost his battle on December 13th, 2001.
If this devastating disease could take such iconic figures as these, then who am I?
Sports personalities like MLB pitcher Dan Quisenberry, and professional hockey coach Bob Johnson, even famous author Mary Shelley (Frankenstein) all passed from battling brain cancer. Other notable musicians like Runaways drummer Sandy West, boy band singer Tom Parker (The Wanted), soul/jazz singer Lou Rawls and Beach Boy Carl Wilson all met the same, unfortunate end.
So what does one do with this type of news? For me, it was so easy to assume the worst, without even having a definitive diagnosis, but the reality behind it all is "what are you going to do?" You have 2 choices. Fight, or Flight! I had been an open book with my family, and as I looked at them all with overflowing love, and received nothing but support and strength, I chose the former. Part of my personal fight was to reverse the immediate thoughts of doom. I needed to get out of the darkness, and into the light. I needed hope, instead of despair. I needed faith, instead of fear.
Over the past 7 or 8 years, my religious beliefs had started to change. Through other health scares with loved ones, I started to witness miracles that frankly seemed impossible. It made me open up and think "Wait a minute! What is this??". But I'll be honest... while I was now opening up to the possibilities, strong faith never rooted itself in me. That was until October 2024, and the news of possible brain cancer. I wasn't ready to leave my loved ones yet, and if there was a way out of this mess, I knew what it was. And so, I started to pray, and I put my fear in the hands of God. With that, the darkness lifted, I became full of hope, and the fear left me... for the most part at least. There is no magic wand to remove every single concern, but the negative thoughts quickly turned to positive.
On October 3rd, I had an MRI, and a few days later I headed to Toronto Western Hospital for an appointment with a neurosurgeon and endocrinologist. I found out that the tumor was in fact a Pituitary Adenoma, with a 99% chance that it was benign. I'll take those odds any day! Bloodwork also showed the tumor to be "non-functioning", meaning it was having no effect on my hormones. Some more great news! With a seemingly immediate scheduled appointment, I had transsphenoidal surgery (through the nose) early in November to "debulk" the mass. We knew going in that the complete tumor would not be able to be removed this time around, due to the sheer size, and invasion. Unfortunately, surgery came with some additional complications that I continue to fight through. While it has not been an easy road, I could be in a much worse situation. Personally, I owe it to faith, positivity, a loving network of family and friends, and a wonderful medical team. And if musicians Sheryl Crow, Lou Gramm and actor Mark Ruffalo can beat brain tumors, then why can't I? To my great relief, pathology confirmed a benign tumor, but there is still some healing to do.
I understand that not everybody will have the same outcome. Sometimes, shit happens, and our worst fears come true. But if you can take anything away here, I ask you please, always have hope. While my story is specific to a physical illness, hope is critical in mental health as well. Even in the worst possible scenarios of health, a family breakdown, or the death of a loved one far too early, there is in fact help, and there is always hope. Whatever means you choose to find it, love yourself, and find it! Fight! Don't flight!!
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